The Adventures of Dr Bones and Captain Jamie
by Ellipsis the Great
Summary: Jim somehow gets Joanna onto the ship. The crew hears Bones tell her a bedtime story that sounds suspiciously familiar…
1. TheAdventuresof DrBonesandCaptainJamie

_**The Adventures of Dr. Bones and Captain Jamie**_

_A One-Shot by Ellipsis the Great_

_**Summary**__: Jim somehow gets Joanna onto the ship. The crew hears Bones tell her a bedtime story that sounds suspiciously familiar…_

_**DISCLAIMER**__: Star Trek and everything affiliated with it belongs to JJ Abrams and all those other people who own it. All I own is the plot…_

_**Rated**__: K+_

No one's quite sure how Jim manages to pull it off. Then again, no one's quite sure how he manages to pull anything off, really, no matter how many times they remind themselves that he really is much smarter than he acts. Jim just says something about how there is no judge in existence who will deny a Hero the right to see his kid, but soon after that surprisingly logical explanation all they hear about is Jim's awesome-ness and superior intellect and all-powerful charm and eventually they just kind of tune him out.

However Jim did it, they're all glad for it. Because the expression on Bones' face when Jim tells him his daughter is to be aboard the _Enterprise_ for almost the entirety of her summer vacation is worth all of the grumpy muttering, angry lectures, and jabbed hyposprays they have endured up to this point. Jim's absolutely flabbergasted expression when Bones all but tackles him into a hug makes it all the more worth it.

Then there's the barely-suppressed smile that stays on Bones' face for the rest of their trip back to Earth—it doesn't waver no matter what idiotic thing Jim or Scotty or anyone else have done to land themselves or others into the sick bay. And it's all-too-easy to get the smile to stop being suppressed altogether, and when someone says something to make it show up there are several women (and more than a few men) on board who coo or drool in turns.

When they arrive on Earth, Jim announces that he has decided that Bones should get a few minutes alone with his daughter without people standing around gawking at them. The sentiment surprises but delights Bones, who gives them all a cheerful wave and practically skips out of the room when Jim dismisses him.

That's when Jim announces that of course the bridge crew is going to spy on them, now.

_Of course they are_.

And although they put up a weak fight about it, there isn't a person there (even Spock) who argues too hard against the proposition.

Which brings us to their present position, with all of them strategically and surreptitiously spying on a completely unsuspecting Bones, who totally didn't arch an eyebrow at Chekov as the gangly teen hid behind a street vendor.

There's no time to wonder about whether or not Bones knew they were there, then, because suddenly his face lights up in a way that puts all of the smiles from the past week to complete shame, and he's running forward and throwing out his arms.

"Joanna, Joanna, Joanna." He chants as he falls to his knees, embracing her as she falls into him, his face burying itself in her neck.

"I missed you, Daddy!" Joanna says when he pulls away, although their hands stay intertwined.

"I missed you, too, baby." Bones says, and _Oh God those were definitely tears_. Bones sniffs and wipes his eyes on a sleeve, and then it's like he has to keep touching her face and stroking her hair to reassure himself that she's real. "I missed you so, so much."

Joanna smiles at him, capturing his hands in hers, and then launches herself at him again. This time he stands with her in his arms, kissing her forehead with a loud 'smack' of his lips. She giggles.

"Leonard."

A woman steps forward out of the crowd, a rather blank expression on her face, like she doesn't know or care to know that she's just interrupted what is obviously a heartfelt father-daughter moment.

"Jocelyn." Bones says, nodding at her even as he cradles his little girl closer to himself. "How's things?"

"They're fine." The woman, Jocelyn, says. She steps forward, tucking a stray bit of hair behind Joanna's ear, and they can see for just a moment how the three of them must have looked when they were still a family.

"I heard about the _Enterprise_." She says. "You've done real well for yourself, Len."

Inexplicably, this seems to drain some of the tension out of Bones' shoulders. "Yeah, I'm doin' alright."

"Still scared of flying?" She asks with a cheeky smile.

"It's not so bad." He says. "But don't tell anyone I said so. I've got a reputation."

She laughs. "Let me guess—big bad Dr. McCoy, jabbing peoples' necks with twice the necessary amount of force, bitching about anything and everything, and working harder than any ten doctors to discover a cure that's supposed to be impossible to make? And doing it, more often than not."

"Sounds about right."

"I always loved and hated that about you." She says, and Bones looks away.

"Yeah, well." He says, clearing his throat awkwardly. "Heard you…I mean, Mom said you took up with that Treadway boy."

"Boy?" She repeats, her eyebrows crawling towards her hairline. "Len, he's not three years younger than us—the same age as most of your crewmates, as I recall, if not older than a good many of them. And you can't tell me you haven't at least tapped the captain."

"I most certainly can." Bones says, and they're pretty sure they can see a blush starting at the tips of his ears. "And I'll thank you not to go bringing that sort of stuff up in front of Joanna."

Jocelyn rolls her eyes. "Oh, Len, don't be such a wet shirt." She says, and checks her watch. "But I've got to go. I'm meeting 'that Treadway boy' for lunch." She leans up and kisses Joanna's cheek. "I'll see you in a few months, sweetie. Give your dad the run around for me, will you?"

Joanna giggles and nods as Bones protests a little.

She smiles at him sadly, putting a hand on his cheek. "I'm sorry about the way things turned out, Len. You've got to know I never meant for things to get as ugly as they did."

Bones looks away and shrugs.

"I, um…I used some of your dad's estate to pay off the rest of your student loans." She says. "The rest is set up as a college fund for Jo. And I'm talking to the judge about easing up on you."

He smirks. "Keep this up and I'll start to think you like me, Joss."

She holds out her hand. "Besties?"

He gives her a dry look.

"Oh, come on, Len." She says.

He rolls his eyes and grabs her hand, pulling her forward and kissing her forehead with surprising gentleness. "Take care of yourself, Joss."

"You, too, you crazy old fart." She says, then pulls away, waves at Joanna, and leaves.

"Hag!" Bones calls after her, and then looks at Joanna. "Your mom's insane, y'know."

Joanna shrugs. "You married her."

Bones laughs.

(I'MADOCTOR,NOTAPAGEBREAK)

It is late, now, and the command crew of the _Enterprise_ has just gotten off of their shift and retreated to the officers' rec room. Jim and Spock have begun their customary game of chess, with Uhura watching. Sulu is draped all over the couch. Chekov is draped all over Sulu. Scotty is fiddling with something in a corner; the strange buzzing noises convince everyone that they have no desire to find out what he's doing.

Suddenly, Scotty lets out a triumphant noise, and the television situated in one corner of the room turns itself on. It shows what can only be Dr. McCoy's rooms.

"This is highly inappropriate behavior." Spock says with a stern frown as Jim jumps up out of his chair and slaps Scotty on the back approvingly.

"Shh." Jim says, waving a hand at him. "I wanna see! He's totally going to tuck her in; he might even sing her a lullaby, or something!"

"Captain…"

But then _Joanna bursts into the room, flopping onto the bed and looking at the door expectantly. Bones follows her in a moment later, chuckling a little as he kneels beside her bed._

"_Where'd we leave off last time, punkie-doodle?" Bones asks._

"_Jamie just got in trouble with Mr. Kingsley for cheating on a big exam at the Naval Academy!" Joanna says, hunkering down in her bed and watching her father with wide eyes. "Jamie's getting court-martialed, and they're trying to decide if he's gonna get expelled!"_

"_Ah, that's right." Bones says, and stand, folding his arms behind his back and closing his eyes as he seems to think something over. When he opens his eyes and begins speaking again, there is something about him that is completely different from the grumpy Bones they're used to._

"_Just as the court-martial was about to decide Jamie's fate," Bones says, "a junior officer runs into the room. There has been a distress call from a nearby port, and all of the new recruits are being deployed to answer it!"_

"_What's happening?" Joanna asks._

"_No one's quite sure." Bones says. "But it gets Jamie off the hook for the time being, so he and Dr. Bones run off to hear what ship they're going to be assigned to. Dr. Bones gets assigned to the HMS _Crusader_, the newest and best ship in the armada—but Jamie's name doesn't get called!"_

"_Oh, no!" Joanna says._

"_Jamie is very sad." Bones pokes out his bottom lip and shuffles his feet._

"_Dr. Bones isn't going to leave him behind, is he?" Joanna asks, obviously distressed by the thought. "They're bestest best friends! Dr. Bones can't leave Jamie behind!"_

"_Of course he's not going to leave Jamie behind." Bones says. "Because, you see, in all of the confusion, Dr. Bones grabs him and smuggles him onboard!"_

_Joanna claps her hands delightedly._

"_Dr. Bones hides Jamie away in the infirmary." Bones says, crouching at the edge of the bed and peering up at his daughter as if he's hiding. "But as they're traveling, Jamie comes to a sudden realization—they're headed right for a trap!"_

_Joanna gasps._

"_Luckily, he gets to Captain Fisher in time to warn him. Mr. Kingsley—who is the first mate—tries to stop him, stowaway that he is, but Jamie makes himself heard. He explains to everyone with a little help from Niles, the communications officer, that the SOS they're hearing is all part of an elaborate plan by the very same pirate ship that destroyed the HMS _Calvin_—the pirates that killed Jamie's father!"_

"_Oh my goodness!" Joanna says._

"_It's just then that the _Crusader_ makes the final turn to the port that sent out the SOS." Bones says, his voice dipping dramatically. "Everything is in chaos! The rest of the armada has been destroyed—the ocean is littered with debris with the bodies of their fellow recruits. Captain Fisher decides to send a small team of recruits after some of the pirates, who are taking a battering ram to the door of the city. Jamie is one of the team members, as well as a man named Mr. Soto and another man named Mr. Olson. They take a dinghy to shore, but as they are disembarking, Mr. Olson is shot, the force of the bullet sending him careening back into the water!"_

"_Oh, no!"_

"_Oh, yes! Jamie is next to disembark, and is immediately set upon by one of the pirates!" Bones jumps up, wielding an imaginary sword as he emulates a pirate. "'Yarr, ye scurvy dog!' The pirate yells. 'I'll have yer guts for garters!' As they begin to fight, Mr. Soto is attacked by the other pirate. Unlike Jamie, who relies on evasion and hand-to-hand fighting, Mr. Soto has a sword, and uses it as well as any master. He and the other pirate thrust and parry, parry and thrust, a deadly dance of blades." And, really, who'd have thought Bones could recreate a fight so spectacularly, when he not only hadn't seen the fight, but was also playing two roles at once? "Finally, Mr. Soto manages to push him back into a blazing fire the pirates had been using to bombard the town with firebombs, and rushes to Jamie's aid. He runs the remaining pirate through just as the blaggard is about to send Jamie over a cliff and into the choppy waters below." Bones falls to his knees, grasping at the bedcovers like he's slipping off. "Mr. Soto grabs his arms and pulls him up—"_

_Joanna, after receiving an expectant look from her father, obligingly fights to pull him up onto the bed, where he rolls over and gasps for breath as if he really has just been saved from a watery grave._

"_And the rest," Bones concludes, reaching up and tapping Joanna on the nose, "is a story for another night."_

"_Awww!" Joanna whines. "Can't you tell a little bit more?"_

"_Nope." Bones shakes his head. "It's way past your bedtime, little lady, and if you don't get to sleep soon you'll never wake up in the morning."_

"_I will so!" Joanna says. "Come on, Daddy, pretty please with sugar on top?"_

"_Tomorrow, I promise." Bones rolls off of the bed and stands, gingerly tucking Joanna in._

_Joanna sighs and yawns. "Daddy?"_

"_Yeah, baby?"_

"_Did Dr. Bones get sick, since he doesn't like ships?" She asks sleepily. "You said last time he rode a ship, on the way to the Naval Academy, that he got sick and almost threw up on Jamie. But you didn't say nothin' about it, this time."_

"_This time he didn't get sick." Bones says._

"_How come?"_

"_Well…because Jamie was there."_

_Her forehead scrunches up. "He didn't get seasick, just 'cuz Jamie was there?"_

"_That's right."_

"_How," she yawns again, "come?"_

"_It's not that Dr. Bones ever got seasick, per se. It's just that he was so scared of bein' on boats that it made him feel sick. But since Jamie was there, he wasn't so scared, anymore."_

"_Why not?"_

"'_Cuz Jamie was his bestest best friend in the whole wide world." Bones says with a soft smile. "And when you're with friends, nothing's as scary as it is when you're all by yourself." He kisses her forehead._

"_Night, punkie-doodle." He says, but her breathing has already evened out to signal that she has fallen asleep._

Back in the rec room, Scotty turns the television off. No one says anything, but they all look at Jim, who has a goofy little grin on his face. Uhura sniffles and wipes a few tears from her eyes, wrapping her arms around Spock.

"You kids sure are cozy." Bones grumbles as he enters the room a few minutes later, going over to the replicator and ordering himself a cup of coffee.

"Doctor," Chekov pipes up tiredly, "can you tell us the story of Dr. Bones and Jamie?"

Bones stiffens, his back to them.

"_Chekov_!" Scotty hisses.

Bones turns around slowly, eyes narrowed. "And where'd you hear about that, Ensign?" He asks in his scary doctor voice.

"We…might've tapped into the security feed in your daughter's room." As he speaks, Jim is wearing an innocent expression that belies his words.

"Uhuh." Bones says, unamused.

"It was _so_ sweet, Doctor." Uhura says with a small hiccup. "Reminded me of my dad."

They're pretty sure they can see Bones flush in the dim light of the room. Everyone's quiet for a while as Bones retrieves his coffee and takes a seat on the couch next to Jim.

Then Bones sighs loudly and leans back in the chair.

"Once upon a time," he begins, his voice soft, "there was an old surgeon called Dr. Bones…"

The End…?

_A/N: I'm such a loser—I filled my own request. OTL But once I'd requested it, it wouldn't leave my brain._

_Umumum, so people who have read my Kingdom Hearts stuff know this already (I don't have any KH stuff on LJ, yet, it's all on deviantArt under the penname 'poisontoniclx'), but you Star Trek people don't: I'm really obsessive about names. So, erm, here goes:_

_Jamie is Jim, obviously, and Dr. Bones is…well, Bones._

_Mr. Kingsley is Spock, because Bones calls Spock 'hobgoblin,' and Kingsley is the surname of the first Hobgoblin villain in the Spider Man comics._

_The HMS _Crusader_ is the _Enterprise_, and the HMS _Calvin_ is the _Kelvin_._

_Captain Fisher is Captain Pike, because a pike is a type of fish._

_Niles is Nyota, because it's an 'N' name and they wouldn't have let a girl do anything important on a ship back in the time period Bones' bedtime story is set._

_Mr. Soto is Sulu, which should probably also be obvious. I considered calling him 'Mr. Roboto,' just for kicks, but decided against it, lmao._

_And I didn't change Olson's name, because I'm lazy and he's not a very big character, so whatever, lolol._

_And…well, that's all she wrote! Hope you all enjoyed it!_

_-EtheG_


	2. The Doctor's Daughter

_**The Doctor's Daughter**_

_A one-shot by Ellipsis the Great_

_**Summary**__: A continuation of 'The Adventures of Dr. Bones and Jamie,' wherein the crew witnesses more father-daughter moments, and try to convince Bones to tell more of the story…_

_**DISCLAIMER**__: Star Trek and everything affiliated with it belongs to Gene Roddenberry, JJ Abrams, and all of the other awesome people who own it. All I own is the plot…_

_**Rated**__: K+_

"…And the rest is a story for another night." Bones says.

"What?" Jim shrieks, jolted out of the fantasy world Bones' voice had taken him to while telling them the story of 'Dr. Bones and Jamie.' "Now, hold on, Bones, you can't just stop there! You can't just _stop_! What happens to Jamie? Does he get expelled? _Come on_, man; cruel and unusual punishment was outlawed over a century ago!"

Bones rolls his eyes. "Look, you wanted me to tell the damn story, and I'm telling it. But I'll tell it on my own damn time and in my own damn way, and if I tell much more I'm gonna go hoarse!" Indeed, his voice sounds a little scratchier than usual. Then he grunts and plops down onto the couch next to Jim. "And, anyhow, if you really did watch me telling Joanna the story, you already heard the next part."

Jim pouts. "But I wanted to see you swordfight again."

"I'm a doctor, dammit, not a swordfighter." Bones says. "If you wanna see sword fighting, talk to Sulu."

"I was rather impressed by you, actually, Doctor." Sulu says, shifting a little so that he could look over at the other couch where Jim and Bones were sitting. "I mean, you probably couldn't win in a fight against someone who's been trained, but you could put up a good fight."

Bones snorts. "'Course I couldn't. I've never used a sword in my entire life. All the tumbling around and stuff's just…" He trails off, looking away from them and rubbing his neck. "My sister roped me into taking gymnastics with her when I was a kid, and I've kept up with some of it to keep in shape."

"Gymnastics? Really?" Uhura asks, surprised by the admission.

"Yeah." Bones shrugs. "Used to be pretty limber when I was younger, but that all stopped once I got to med school and lost whatever free time I'd ever had to studying and writing papers and all of the other joys that come with being a doctor."

"Huh." Jim says, cocking his head to one side thoughtfully.

He looks like he wants to make a comment—which would probably have been less 'comment' and more 'sexual proposition'—but it's at this moment that a Security Ensign opens the door.

"Um, Dr. McCoy?" The ensign says.

"Yeah?" Bones sits up a little, wondering why they didn't page him if it was something in medical, but Joanna pushes past the ensign before he can ask. She's full-out bawling, and flings herself into his chest as soon as she sees him.

"She was wandering the hallways outside of your rooms, sir." The ensign says when Bones levels him with a hard glare.

Bones purses his lips together, but a sob from Joanna has his face softening so much that they hardly recognize him. He puts his arms around her, one hand holding her close while the other pats her hair soothingly.

"Baby, baby, what's wrong?" He asks, kissing the top of her head as he rocks her back and forth. Somehow, his accent is a thousand times more evident than usual.

She shakes her head and says something that's completely incomprehensible due to both her crying and the fact that her face is buried in Bones' neck as she clings to him.

"Did you have a nightmare?" Bones asks, and she nods. "Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm here now, baby, it's okay. Daddy's here, shh."

The others are all watching with wide eyes; the ensign leaves before Bones can start glaring at him, again, if for nothing else than for catching him in such an intimate moment with his daughter.

Joanna pulls back, looking up at Bones with a heartbreakingly accusing expression on her face. "You weren't there. I was so scared and I went to your room and you weren't there, Daddy." She says, and then puts her arms around his neck.

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm so, so sorry." Bones says, clutching her tightly to his chest. "Was it really scary?"

She nods and hiccups.

"Was it a monster?" He asks.

She shakes her head. "I was back on Earth and you were here and there was a big fight and the ship ran into something and it blew up!" She blurts out. "What am I gonna do if you die, Daddy? I already hardly ever get to see you, since you and Mommy don't love each other no more." She bursts into a fresh bout of tears. "And if you die I'll never get to see you again! I _hate_ space, Daddy!"

"Aw, baby." He says, his heart visibly breaking.

"I want you to come home." She sobs into his chest. "I want you to come _home_!"

Watching him try to comfort her, and hearing her words, Jim is struck with the selfish wish that he had never brought her onboard. Because it's obvious that Bones will do absolutely anything for his baby girl, and how will Jim do anything without him?

"Listen, baby," Bones says, grabbing a tissue from the table next to him and wiping her tears away, "has your mama told you how important promises are?"

Joanna sniffles loudly, looking as confused by his question as everyone else feels. "Mommy says it's real important to keep any promises you make, and that you shouldn't make a promise you can't keep."

"She's exactly right." Bones says. "And I made a promise to Starfleet that I'd be a doctor for them for five years. I wish I could break it, baby, because your happiness is one of the most important things in the world to me. But I promised, and I ain't the kind to go back on a promise."

She nods slowly.

"You know I'd do anything I could for you, darlin'." He says. "But if I break one promise, chances are I'd break another one, too, and then another and another."

"I understand, Daddy." She says, downtrodden.

"I tell you what, though." He says. "I've already been working for Starfleet for two out of the five years I promised 'em. So when my term is up in three years, if you still want me to come home, I will. I won't even hesitate. I can't move back in with you and Mommy—Mommy's fallin' in love with someone else, now, so that ain't fair to her. But I'll…teach at the Academy, or open up a private practice, and you can come visit me anytime you want. Okay?"

"Pinky promise?" She asks, holding up a pinky.

He latches his own pinky into hers. "Cross my heart."

She seems satisfied with this for a moment, then her eyebrows furrow again. "But what happens if you die before then?"

"Lemme tell you a secret." He says, and cups his hand around his mouth and her ear, whispering something to her that not even Jim, who leans toward them from the other side of the couch, can hear. When he pulls away, though, she is smiling.

"Okay." She says, and leans back against his chest with a content sigh.

"You wanna try gettin' back to sleep, now, punkie doodle?" Bones asks.

Her eyes widen as her earlier fears return and she shakes her head, clutching to his neck tightly.

"Alright, alright, you little monkey." Bones chuckles. "No need for you to cling like that."

She pouts at him, then settles into him again. "What were y'all talkin' about?"

"Your dad was just being a _giant jerk_ and refusing to tell us anymore about Jamie and Dr. Bones." Jim pipes up before Bones can answer, giving the surly doctor a pout of his own.

Joanna gasps. "He's telling you guys my bedtime story?"

"Not anymore, apparently." Chekov says.

Another gasp, this one indignant. "_Daddy_! Shame on you! You can't just stop in the middle of the story! You gotta tell 'em the rest!" She says.

"I never said I was gonna stop." Bones says, holding his hands up in the face of his daughter's ire. "I just stopped for the night."

"What part are you at?" Joanna asks, looking at the others to get her answer. "Did you get to the part about Jamie gettin' marooned at the South Pole?"

"Jamie gets marooned?" Sulu asks. He has a smile on his face like he's really trying to sound like he didn't know that was going to happen.

Joanna nods. "That's one of my favorite parts!"

"So you've already heard this story, Joanna?" Uhura asks.

"Yep! It's my favorite." Joanna says. "He tells me fairytales and stuff, sometimes, but I like the stories about Dr. Bones and Jamie the best!" She becomes very excited, suddenly, as an idea comes to her. "Daddy, can we all listen to the story together? We can have a big slumber party with popcorn and s'mores and I can braid Miss Uhura's hair and I can paint Unc…I mean, Captain Jim's nails and _you_ can tell us all about Jamie and Dr. Bones and Mr. Kingsley and everybody else and it'll be the bestest, most _awesome_ thing ever in the entire universe!" She clasps her hands together, giving Bones a puppy dog look to rival Chekov's. "Please oh please oh _please_, Daddy?"

"Yeah, Dad, can we?" Jim says with a snicker, fluttering his eyelashes at Bones.

"Don't you start, Jim." Bones hisses. "And I'm sorry, sweetie, but I think everyone here except you is a bit too old for slumber parties."

"If they ain't too old for bedtime stories, then they ain't too old for slumber parties" Joanna insists. "C'mon, Daddy, pretty please with sugar on top?"

"I think it sounds fun, Doctor." Uhura says.

"Da—darn it, I'm a doctor, not an entertainer!" Bones says, and actually looks to _Spock_, of all people, for help. "Tell them this is…is _illogical_."

"On the contrary, Doctor, I find that I am…curious to hear the rest of the story." Spock says. "And it would, perhaps, boost morale and camaraderie among the crew."

"_Motherfu_—" Bones begins, then stands, setting Joanna down. "No. Just…just _no_."

And then, red and flustered and sputtering, he storms out of the room.

Joanna giggles and rolls her eyes. "I'll talk him into it. He's a sucker for crocodile tears." She assures them, beginning to follow after him. Then she pauses, turns, and runs over to where Sulu is sitting, throwing her arms around him in a chaste hug.

"Er…?" Sulu says.

"Daddy says you guys won't crash 'cuz you're the best helmsman in the whole wide universe." Joanna explains as she pulls away. "Just like Captain—" She cuts herself off with a frown and looks at Jim. "Captain Jim, is it okay if I call you Uncle Jim, instead? Since you're Daddy's best friend, and all?"

Uhura wonders if she should mark today on her calendar as 'The Day a Girl Made Jim Kirk Blush.'

"Sure you can, Joanna." Jim says, a huge smile stretching across his face.

"You can call me Jo." She says, then looks back at Sulu and continues where she'd left off as if there hadn't been a pause in their conversation. "Just like Uncle Jim is the best captain and Mr. Spock's the best First Officer, and all the rest of you guys are the best at what you do."

"Oh." Sulu says, rather touched by the sentiment (especially coming from their grumpy, aviophobic doctor). "Well, um, thanks?"

"Bless your heart," she laughs, "I'm just telling you he said so, that way you know I'm holdin' you responsible for bringin' him home to me. Well, you and Uncle Jim." She smiles brightly. "And if you don't, I'll kill you. 'Kay? So drive safe and don't crash!"

Then she turns and trounces out of the room.

All is quiet for a moment.

"She is definitely the doctor's daughter, yes?" Chekov asks, eyes wide.

They all nod.

Jim decides he really _is_ glad he brought her on board.

After all, it wasn't very often you got to hear from a first-hand source that someone as irascible as Bones considers you his best friend.

The End.

_A/N: I fought with myself for a long time over whether or not to have the nightmare about Bones crashing, or something else. As you can see, it ended up being about the former. This one isn't as lighthearted as its prequel, but hopefully you enjoy it, anyhow. I might continue with this 'verse, but we'll see! 8D_

_Love you guys! See ya next!_

_Ellipsis the Great_


	3. One Story's Ending

_**One Story's Ending…**_

_A one-shot by Ellipsis the Great_

_**Summary**__: A continuation of 'The Adventures of Dr. Bones and Jamie' and 'The Doctor's Daughter,' wherein the crew has a sleepover. No, really.  
_

_**DISCLAIMER**__: Star Trek and everything affiliated with it belongs to Gene Roddenberry, JJ Abrams, and all of the other awesome people who own it. All I own is the plot…_

_**Rated**__: K+_

"Jim…why do you look like a rainbow vomited on your face?"

"Aw, Bones, you know just what to say." Jim flutters his eyelashes at Bones, who shudders just a little.

"Well?"

"Your daughter is quite the aspiring makeup artist." Jim replies. "She's in the living room with everyone else, waiting for you to get off shift."

Bones scowls when a burst of laughter sounds from the living room. "_Everyone_?" He asks. Usually, it's just one or two people at a time—they rarely all have time off at once. The people who miss it watch a holovid that Bones hadn't realized was being made until three or four sessions in.

"The bridge crew." Jim amends hastily. "No one else knows your dirty little secret, promise."

Bones grunts. "Right." He says, heading to the living room with Jim trailing behind him. "Holy Christ on a cracker."

Joanna giggles as she looks up at him from her seat on the floor in front of Uhura, who is braiding her hair. "Hi, Daddy!"

"Hey, baby." He says, a small smile coming to his face. Then he lets out a dramatic yawn. "I'm awful tired, tonight. I don't know if I can finish the story."

Joanna lets out an enraged shriek. "No! Daddy, you _have_ to finish it! You've been dragging it out for, like, _ever_!"

"It has taken you approximately one week and three days, so far, Doctor." Spock confirms. "And you have continued to tell it following shifts that were decidedly busier than today's."

"Spoilsports." Bones says. "Everybody get comfy, then—and Jim, for God's sake, wash your face. She only does your makeup like that because you let her get away with it."

Joanna giggles, but beams up at Jim innocently when he gives her a shocked look. Pouting, he leaves the room, returning a few moments later with a clean face and taking a seat as far away from Joanna as possible.

"Where'd I leave off last time?" Bones asks as he sets his bag down and shrugs off his lab coat.

"Jamie and Mr. Kingsley just snuck onboard the _Wisdom Giver_!" Joanna says, excited already.

Bones hums thoughtfully, running a hand through his hair and messing it up a little. Then his voice drops into what Jim calls his 'storytelling voice' as he begins, "When they climb aboard the _Wisdom Giver_, Jamie and Mr. Kingsley are immediately surrounded by pirates!"

Joanna gasps, the sound echoed by a few other members of the bridge crew (namely Jim and Chekov).

"They find shelter behind some barrels, picking off the attacking pirates with more luck than anything else. 'I'll cover you, go!' Jamie says, and Mr. Kingsley runs towards one of the fallen crewmembers. Using the secret voodoo magic of his people, Mr. Kingsley learns the location of the bomb that the evil Captain Oren is about to plant in the capital city and set off. Jamie shoots the last of the pirates, crouching down next to him. They head to the small sailboat, the _Jellyfish_, that is latched on to the side of the boat. 'The likelihood of us actually pulling this off is quite low.' Mr. Kingsley says, looking up at Jamie from the water, but Jamie just laughs. 'It'll work, Kingsley.' 'If it doesn't.' Mr. Kingsley insists. 'Tell Nila—' 'Tell her yourself. It's going to work, just trust me!' Jamie cuts him off, and then leaves before the other man can try again. Shaking his head, Kingsley cuts the _Jellyfish_ loose and sails off into the night."

"If you stop now, the likelihood of you surviving the night is zero percent." Uhura says, having caught on to Bones' favorite stopping points by now.

Bones waves her off. "Jamie is grabbed by the scruff of his neck just as the _Jellyfish_ breaks free. It is Oren's first mate, who punches Jamie, continuing to attack before Jamie can regain his bearings. He grabs Jamie's neck, lifting him high above his head—above the choppy waters below that will serve as the man's grave. But he notices that, against all odds, Jamie…is _smirking_."

"This is the best part!" Joanna whispers, eyes wide.

"'What are you smirking at, boy?' The first mate demands angrily. Jamie tries to answer, but the hand on his throat garbles his words. The first mate loosens his grip slightly, bringing Jamie a little closer to his face. 'What was that?' 'I said,' Jamie forces out, 'I've got your gun.' The first mate looks down just in time to see Jamie pull the trigger. He gasps, dropping Jamie and clutching at the wound." And Bones reenacts it, looking completely aghast. "Jamie, who has landed precariously on the handrail, jumps down and pushes the first mate overboard. Then he sets loose one of the lifeboats, jumping in and paddling as fast as he can away from the ship."

"And then? _And then_?" Chekov asks.

"The _Crusader_ appears suddenly from behind an outcropping of rocks, shooting everything it's got at the _Wisdom Giver_ and distracting its crew long enough for Mr. Kingsley to turn the _Jellyfish_ around, gathering enough momentum that the impact of it hitting the _Wisdom Giver_ will set off the bomb Oren was going to use on the capital city—which is in the _Jellyfish_! He jumps free at the last possible moment, and Jamie scoops him into the lifeboat, the two of them now paddling for their lives!" It is probably a testament to how into the story everyone is that they don't laugh at the sight of Bones on the floor, pretending to paddle.

"And then the _Wisdom Giver_ is blown to smithereens!" Joanna says, jumping up from her seat with a rowdy cheer.

"But not before Jamie offers Oren and his crew one last chance at surrendering." Bones says, grabbing her and pulling her into his lap.

"Yeah, but he says no." Joanna scoffs. "So it's pointless! Why do you always have to put that part in?"

"Well it is if you put it like that." He says. "But that's not the reason I tell it. I tell it because it shows the difference between Jamie and Mr. Kingsley, and Captain Oren."

She frowns. "What difference?"

"Captain Oren wanted revenge, and he was willing to do whatever it took to get it." Bones says. "But Jamie and Mr. Kingsley…even though they hated Oren more than anyone else, and they wanted revenge for all of the lives he ruined…they would still have shown mercy if he'd asked for it. That's what makes them the good guys. And that's why I always put that part in."

"Yeah, okay." She says, wrinkling her nose. "So then…they lived happily ever after?"

"Yep. Happily ever after." He says, kissing the top of her head. "Now, time for bed, punkie doodle."

"_Dad_, you can't call me punkie doodle in front of everyone!" She protests, putting her face in her hands.

"You're my baby girl; it's part of my job as your dad to embarrass you." He says. "It's in the 'Unwritten Guide to Being a Daddy'."

She wrinkles her nose at him. "You're silly, Daddy."

"And _you_ are trying to get out of going to bed." He says. "Now up, baby girl, it's bedtime."

"Can't I stay up for just a _little_ bit longer?" She juts her bottom lip out.

"Yeah, c'mon, Bones." Jim says. "It's not like she's got school tomorrow, or something. And you're on Alpha shift, so she might as well sleep in."

And here it comes. The three of them have been dancing this dance since Joanna started referring to Jim as her uncle—Bones tries to send her to bed, Jim steps up in her defense, and between the two of them Bones always gives in. Yeah, that's his 'I'm giving in' sigh; they have come to realize over the course of Joanna's visit that the good doctor—cantankerous as he acts—is really a total sop. Especially in regards to his daughter. And Jim, surprisingly enough.

"Fine, fine." Bones says. "But that means I can't make breakfast tomorrow."

"Breakfast?" Joanna perks up.

"Well, I went out and bought all the ingredients for chocolate chip pancakes—I even found real maple syrup—but you keep stayin' up late, so I haven't gotten the chance to make 'em for you before I have to go on shift." Bones' tone is _just _shy of a whine. "But I'm a doctor, not a gourmet chef, so maybe it's—"

"NighteveryoneI'mgoingtobednowloveyouDaddy!" Joanna kisses Bones' cheek, then scrambles out of his lap and to her room.

The room is quiet for a moment before Bones snickers.

"Bones?" Jim asks.

"Gets her every time." Bones says, looking inordinately pleased with himself. "I let her stay up late for a couple of nights, then tell her I've been wanting to make her breakfast. After that it's at least a month before she starts askin' to stay up late again, because she thinks I'm gonna keep makin' her breakfast." A pause. "I do, sometimes."

"That's…probably not the best way to go about getting her to go to bed on time, Doctor." Uhura says.

"Probably not, but it works." Bones shrugs. "Besides, I don't get to see her very often, and never when she's got school or something, so I don't think it does her any harm."

"I believe you are…spoiling her." Spock says.

"She's my only baby girl." Bones says. "It's my job to spoil her absolutely rotten."

Spock frowns. "I do not understand your reasoning, Doctor."

Bones rolls his eyes. "You'll understand when you've got kids of your own."

"Dude, people _always_ say that." Sulu scoffs.

"Just like they say 'you'll understand when you're older.'" Chekov adds with a wrinkle of his nose.

Bones frowns. "Look, it's not…" He sighs, running a hand through his hair. "Parenthood isn't something you can just…_explain_. I mean, I could talk about it 'til my face turns blue, but…there are just some things in the world that you have to experience to understand. It's not that you're stupid or too young or any of that, but…there's something about holding your child for the first time that's…you just can't put a feeling like that into words."

"Why, Bones, I think you might have just gotten really sappy on us." Jim says, squinting at Bones like he's never seen him before.

Bones' normal glare returns full-force, but is broken when he blinks and cocks his head to one side as if he has realized or remembered something.

"Doctor?" Uhura asks.

"Hold that thought." He says, holding a finger up as he stands and goes over to the closed door that leads to Joanna's room. "Jojo, you asleep?"

The question is immediately followed by an exaggerated snore that makes Bones chuckle.

"Go to _sleep_, Joanna." He says, then rolls his eyes at the giggle that leaks from inside the room. Then he turns and goes to a shelf, shuffling around for a moment before pulling out what looks like an old holovid, wiping it off on his pants. When he sees their curious expressions, he says (with a rather impish glint in his eyes that they aren't used to seeing), "I can't _tell_ you, but I can _show_ you."

"Show us?" Chekov asks.

"What it's like to hold your kid for the first time." He says, holding up the holovid, then slips it into the slot that connects to the view screen and tells the computer to play.

"We get to see baby Joanna?" Jim asks, like a kid at Christmas.

"And me being sappy as shit." Bones says as he flops down on the couch. "Computer, play."

"_Ouch, shit!" A woman with long blonde hair curses, holding one hand in the other, a cutting board and knife on a countertop telling them she had cut herself while chopping what looked like onions._

"Wrong one." Bones says, but Jim claps a hand over his mouth before he can tell the computer to go to a different scene, because a little boy with messy shoulder-length brown hair has entered the room wearing a far-too-big lab coat and carrying what looks like a first-aid kit.

"_Mommy?" The boy—who looks five or six—asks, brown eyes going wide at the sight of her. "Are you okay?"_

"_I cut myself." The woman says with an obviously exaggerated pout, holding her hand out for the boy to inspect. They can see a tiny bit of smeared blood on her finger, a drop falling to the floor._

"_Oh, no!" The boy says, slapping a hand to his cheek. He is genuinely worried, and puts the first-aid kit down, opening it and rummaging through it with a look of somber concentration on his face. With an air of authority, he pulls out a cotton ball and a bottle of antiseptic, pouring the latter onto the former before applying it to her finger with gentle care. Then, one hand holding the cotton ball in place, he reaches into the kit again and pulls out a Band-Aid, opening it with his mouth and then putting the cotton ball on the ground and using both hands to put the Band-Aid in place. He surveys his work with a critical eye for just a moment, turning her hand this way and that._

"_What's your diagnosis, Doctor?" The woman asks._

_The boy purses his lips together and wags his finger at her. "You should be more careful, ma'am. You cut yourself."_

"_Oh, yes, Doctor, I will." She says._

"_You'll be okay, now, but if it gets pink and puffy then you got a 'fection and you gotta go to a hops'tal, okay?"_

_She laughs and grabs him, hugging him close to her chest. "Why do I have to go to a hospital when I've got the best little doctor in the world right here at home with me?"_

"_Mommy, I'm serious!" He protests, giggling._

_She kisses his cheek. "I know, and I'll go to the hospital if it gets infected, okay? Thank you __**ever**__ so much for your help, Doctor Leonard." Then she juts her bottom lip out and says, "Now, to finish the treatment, will you kiss it better?"_

_He glares at her suspiciously for a moment from the corner of his eye, then grabs her hand and kisses the wounded finger._

"_All better." She says, hugging him again. "Now go outside and play while I finish making dinner."_

"_Don't cut yourself again." He says sternly, then kisses her cheek, closes the first-aid kit, and runs out of the room._

The picture on screen freezes, then returns to the menu.

"Oh my god, Bones, you were the cutest fucking kid in the history of ever." Jim squeals—_squeals_—as everyone else in the room (besides possibly Spock) tries not to mirror his reaction.

Bones snorts.

"No, seriously." Jim says. "A-fucking-dorable."

"So you always wanted to be a doctor?" Chekov asks.

"Pretty much." Bones says. "My parents were both doctors, so I guess it runs in the family. Anyhow, that's not the one I wanted you guys to see. Computer, show the entry for August 7th, 2252."

_The man whose face shows up on the screen does and doesn't belong to Bones. That is to say, he __**looks**__ like Bones, with the same brown eyes and other facial features, but he's __**smiling**__. And his hair is shorter and __**messy**__; there's no part to it at all. It's __**spiked**__, even._

"_So in approximately five minutes I'm going to be the proud father of a little girl—Joanna Lynn McCoy." The man who is and isn't Bones says._

_The woman from the last vid, looking older but no less happy, appears in a corner of the screen. "And he would be in there right now watching it happen, but he's the only doctor in the world who would actually __**swoon**__ at the sight of an epidural."_

"_I didn't __**swoon**__, Mama, I __**fainted**__." Not-Bones blushes. "And it's not something that's ever happened to me before, okay? That needle was the size of my forearm."_

"_Tsk." She says. "Sees trauma victims every day and can't handle the sight of a good old fashioned needle."_

"_They should just use hyposprays."_

"_It's a little country hospital, Leonard, and syringes are cheaper than hyposprays."_

"_Medieval torture devices is what they are."_

"_Yes, well, if __**your**__ little brat wasn't so dead set on popping out right now, and if __**your**__ wife had the balls to give birth naturally, this wouldn't be a problem." She laughs._

_He starts to say something, but then—_

"_Dr. McCoy?" A doctor steps out of the delivery room._

"_Yes?" Not-Bones and the woman (his mother) stand up, speaking in unison._

_The doctor blinks. "__**Mr.**__ McCoy. She's a perfectly healthy little girl, and her mother is fine. You can come see them, now."_

_Not-Bones' mother pats his hand when he gives her a wide-eyed look, then pushes him toward the door. He stumbles a little, but quickly catches himself and allows the doctor to usher him inside._

_The former Mrs. Bones is lying in the bed, cradling a pink blanket in her arms. She looks up—sweaty and red-eyed and obviously exhausted—and smiles at not-Bones._

"_Isn't she beautiful, Len?" She asks, tilting her arms so that they can see the tiny little face that is peeking out from within the blanket. "Say hi to Daddy, Joanna."_

_Not-Bones' eyes have gotten even wider, as he inches closer to the bed, like he thinks sudden movements are going to cause an explosion or something._

"_Come hold her." Ex-wife—Jocelyn, wasn't it?—says._

"_Okay." Not-Bones' voice shakes as he finally reaches the bed, leaning down and letting Jocelyn transfer her tiny charge into his arms. Straightening, an expression comes to his face that they can't quite identify; a mix between joy, awe, and a number of other emotions. And even though they had all guessed that this is what he'd wanted to show them, they can suddenly understand, to some extent, what Bones had been talking about the whole time. "Hey there, Joanna. Welcome to the world."_

_The baby yawns and makes a gurgling noise, waving her little arms._

"_She's perfect, Joss." Not-Bones leans down and kisses his wife's forehead. "You did so good."_

"_Your wife needs to get to sleep, now, Dr. McCoy." The doctor from earlier says. "And I need to take the baby."_

"_Of course." Not-Bones says, although there is a wistful frown on his face as he hands the baby over to the doctor and the screen goes black._

"Computer, stop transmission." Bones says. "Lights at a hundred percent."

"How old were you, then? You look so young." Uhura says.

"Oh, I was…" Bones thinks for a moment. "Twenty…four? Yeah, I'd have been twenty-four, and Jocelyn was twenty-three. And we'd been married for…geez, nearly four years, by then." He shakes his head. "It seems like a long time ago."

"Holy shit, Bones, you must've gotten married right out of high school." Jim says with a jolt. "You don't seem the type."

Bones gives him a strange look. "The fuck are you talking about? I got married three weeks after I graduated from Ole Miss—that's _med_ school, kid. Joss had just graduated from high school, sure, but I was long done with it."

"Really?" Chekov asks.

"Yeah. Shit, Chekov, I was already out of undergraduate school when I was your age." He blinks at them when he sees that they're staring. "What, you don't believe me? Just because I'm older than all of you doesn't mean—"

"I don't know about everyone else, but I hadn't really thought about it before, Doctor." Sulu says. "I mean, I knew you were a doctor before you joined Starfleet, but the rest of us joined Starfleet right out of high school—well, except for the captain, but everyone knows he just pretends to be stupid."

"Hey." Jim frowns, but he's obviously just pretending to be insulted.

Bones rolls his eyes. "Well, here's the short version—I graduated from high school at fourteen, from undergraduate school at seventeen, and med school at twenty. Got married a few weeks after that, got a job at a small hospital in the town next to my hometown, then opened my own practice the year after Joanna was born. Two years later Joss asked for a divorce, and when the trials were finally over the next year I left, ended up in Iowa, and joined Starfleet." He spreads his arms wide in a decidedly sarcastic manner. "And here I am."

"Doctor." Spock speaks slowly after a thoughtful silence has settled over the room. "I…admit that I do not understand overly much about human emotions and motivations, and yet…even so, I cannot think that a mere two years could take you from that," his eyes flicker to the blank screen, "to the bitter divorce through which you obviously went."

Bones gets a faraway look in his eyes for a moment, then shakes his head, sighs, and rubs his left ring finger with his right hand.

"You don't have to talk about it, Doctor." Uhura says, giving Spock a disapproving frown.

"Nah, I don't mind." Bones says. "It's not…I know we look like a happy couple in that holovid, but the truth is we'd been having trouble for a while. We had Joanna because we thought having a kid would…I don't know, fix that, somehow. But after she was born and I opened my clinic, things just…spiraled out of control, and then we were fighting all the time and…yeah, okay, she had an affair. But I can't say I wasn't having one, even if it was with my job instead of a person. In the end, staying together was more detrimental to Joanna than separating was, so we got a divorce. It was ugly, and we both said things we can never take back, and…maybe we can be friends now that we've both moved on, but…we can never go back to what we were." He breathes out sharply through his nose. "We got married too young, and being out in the real world changed the both of us, and she wanted me to stay the fifteen year old kid she fell in love with and I guess I just don't have a big enough heart to love my daughter and my job _and_ someone else—not the way a man is supposed to love his wife—and that wasn't fair to her. She deserved a lot better than me."

"There's no one out there better than you, Bones." Jim says, and they can tell he means it even if they aren't sure why he thinks he knows.

"No better doctor, maybe." Bones mutters, then clears his throat loudly and stands up. "Let me make sure Joanna's asleep, then I have a favor to ask."

"Okay." Jim blinks, exchanging a glance with the others as Bones trudges into Joanna's room.

"Has the doctor ever asked any of you guys for a favor?" Sulu asks. "Because he's never asked me. It's kind of…creepy."

"He asks me for favors all the time." Jim says brightly.

"Telling you not to get yourself killed doesn't count." Uhura says, rolling her eyes when Jim's face falls comically. "Honestly."

"Yeah, well, screw you." Jim mutters, then lets out a loud exclamation when a couch pillow hits him in the face.

"Don't be an infant, Jim." Bones says, already holding up another pillow, which he'd gotten from the love seat upon which Chekov and Sulu were situated.

"_Captain_ Infant, to you." Jim says, blowing a raspberry at him.

Bones throws the other pillow, but Jim dodges it. Then he sits back down, leaning forward so that his arms are resting on his legs. "So…here's the thing…"

"Oh, yeah! Favor!" Jim says, as if he's forgotten in the past minute even though they're (mostly) sure he hasn't.

"Goddammit, Jim." Bones gives his self-proclaimed best friend a disapproving look.

"Oh, just ask for the favor. You _never_ ask for favors." Jim says. "Except for me not to kill myself, but Uhura says that doesn't count."

"God help me." Bones mutters, then sighs, runs a hand over his face, and says, "The thing is…Joanna's birthday is the week after she goes home…"

(And the rest is a story for another night…)

_A/N: 8DDD So I think the next story will be the last in this little 'series.' But I guess we'll see. My brain works in mysterious ways. ;)_

_Hope you guys enjoyed it!_


	4. Is Another's Beginning

…_**Is Another's Beginninng**_

_A one-shot by Ellipsis the Great_

_**Summary: **__The last part of the 'Bedtime Story' Verse (I think). Joanna's birthday party…_

_**Disclaimer:**__ Star Trek belongs to J.J. Abrams, Gene Roddenberry, and all those other cool cats who own it. All I own is the plot!_

_**Rating:**__ K+_

"…happy birthday, dear Joanna, happy birthday to you!" Everyone cuts off except for Bones and Uhura, the former of whom has a surprisingly nice voice which harmonizes almost perfectly with the latter's already known to be melodic trill. They hold out the final note for a moment longer, and smile at each other—Uhura's smile is wide, Bones' is small but no less warm—clapping with everyone else as Joanna blows out the candles on the cake Chekov made for her. (They wonder about Chekov baking, but he says cooking and chemistry are the same thing, and he's a chemistry whiz)

"Thanks so much, y'all!" Joanna says, beaming at them as Bones starts cutting the cake and passing it around. She takes a bite, and her grin grows impossibly (illogically) wider. "D'lishous!"

"Don't talk with your mouth full." Bones scolds, waving his fork at her.

In a show of solidarity for his 'niece,' Jim sticks his tongue out at Bones, showing off a half-chewed bite of cake. When Bones levels him with one of Those Looks, he retracts his tongue and grins that incorrigible grin that nearly always gets him out of trouble.

"Both of you behave." Bones says.

"Or you'll what, Bones-y?" Jim chirrups as Joanna snickers.

"Jim, you're allergic to a lot of stuff, and I know all of it." Bones says. "And Joanna, I don't have to give you your present, so don't press me."

Joanna's eyes widen; she seems genuinely surprised. "Present? You guys got me a present?"

"'Course we did, Jo-Jo." Jim says, ruffling her hair. "You're our favorite girl and it's your birthday."

She looks around at all of them, mouth forming a small 'o' as they all nod except for Spock, who merely inclines his head and arches an eyebrow at her.

And then she smiles—the smile that they know she got from Bones even if they've only seen it on him once or twice—and takes another bite of her cake, very pointedly chewing with her mouth closed.

Bones kisses her forehead and stands, bringing a small present out from its 'hiding place' in one of the higher kitchen cabinets.

"Open it, open it!" Jim says, bouncing in his chair.

"He's been like this ever since your dad talked to us about your birthday." Uhura says with a roll of her eyes, although she looks almost as excited as Jim does.

Joanna giggles and takes the gift from her father, turning it over in her hands twice before she begins peeling off the first strip of tape.

"_Oh my God_, you are not one of those annoying present-openers who opens it like you're actually going to save the wrapping paper." Jim whines.

More giggling, this time followed by her ripping the paper the rest of the way off, opening the little box, and arching her eyebrow (another expression she obviously got from Bones, although this one is far more recognizable) at the contents. "A holovid?"

"Tha's no' jus' any auld holovid, lass!" Scotty says, whisking it out of her hands and placing it in the computer.

There's a short whir, and the screen goes black for a moment before it practically explodes with color, a large 18th century frigate that has 'HMS _Crusader_' emblazoned on the side bursting onscreen. Three options appear—'Play,' 'Chapter Selection,' and 'Extras.'

"_The Adventures of Dr. Bones and Captain Jamie._" Comes Bones' voice from the speakers. "_Written and narrated by Lieutenant Commander Leonard "Bones" McCoy and illustrated by Lieutenant Paul "Cupcake" Jackson and Ensign Pavel Chekov. Using the vocal talents of Captain James T. Kirk, Commander Spock, Lieutenant Commander Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Lieutenant Commander Montgomery "Scotty" Scott, Lieutenant Hikaru Sulu, Lieutenant Nyota Uhura, and Ensign Pavel Chekov; with music performed by Commander Spock, Lieutenant Commander Montgomery "Scotty" Scott, Lieutenant Nyota Uhura, and Lieutenant Gaila._"

Joanna is staring at the screen with wide eyes, her mouth hanging open.

"What do you think?" Bones asks, putting a hand on her shoulder. "We've been working on it for a while, now."

"You really made this for me?" She asks breathily, tearing her eyes away from the screen so that she can look at him.

"Sure did, punkie doodle." He says. "That way you'll be able to hear it no matter what. It's only got some stuff on this menu screen, here, but I reckon just about everyone on board's done something to help out with getting it put together. They're all in the credits." He pauses, ducking his head a little. "Do you…do you like it?"

And just like that her smile returns, at least twice as wide and bright as it was before, and she lets out a squeal as she launches herself into her father's arms. "It's the best birthday present I've ever gotten in my entire life! Thank you thank you thank you thank you!" Then she pulls away and looks at all of them. "Did y'all really go to all this trouble just for me?" When they nod, their grins almost as wide as hers, she looks back at her father. "Daddy, can I call everyone else my Uncles and Aunts like I do Uncle Jim? I wanted to ask before but I didn't know if they liked me, but if they did this that means they must like me, right?"

"Of course we like you, Joanna." Sulu says, his eyebrows jumping towards his hairline. "Why wouldn't we?"

"Well, I've only known y'all for two months, Mr. Sulu." She says. "How'm I s'posed to know? Y'all might just have been actin' polite 'cause I'm your doctor's daughter. Daddy didn't raise me to be the kind of girl who makes assumptions about people I don't but hardly know."

"I believe I speak for all of us, Miss McCoy, when I say that we are quite amenable to your company." Spock says blandly.

"That's his way of saying we would _love_ for you to call us your aunts and uncles." Uhura translates with a pleased smile.

"Besides, you called me your uncle right off the bat." Jim says.

"Daddy told me you like anyone who's got two legs and a vagina." Joanna says with a shrug.

Jim sputters, Bones chokes on air, Scotty and Sulu laugh, Chekov and Uhura try very hard _not_ to laugh, and Spock tries very hard not to look like he's trying very hard not to laugh. Joanna looks confused.

"What's so funny? That's what you said, Daddy." Joanna says.

"Be that as it may," Uhura nods at Bones when he gives her a grateful look, "I'm glad you're comfortable enough with us that you feel you can ask about this, now."

"I really wanted to ask sooner, Auntie Nyota." Joanna says, hugging Uhura. "And thank you so, _so_ much for helping Daddy with this. It's the best present a girl could ask for!"

"You're very welcome, Joanna." Uhura says.

Joanna pulls away and does much the same for the rest of them, although she stops in front of Spock with an expression on her face like she's having a heated argument with herself. Finally, with a rather resigned—but no less grateful—smile, she gives him a Vulcan salute.

Almost imperceptibly, Spock purses his lips. "While I commend you for your effort at honoring Vulcan tradition, Miss…Joanna, I can assure you that I would not be adverse to your adhering to human custom in this particular instance."

She blinks up at him, then throws her arms around his middle and squeezes. "Thanks, Uncle Spock!"

Spock hesitates for only a moment before reaching down and patting her head.

They're pretty sure the expression on his face (although it has hardly changed from his usual one) is the Vulcan equivalent of a smile.

The End.

_A/N: I'm sure most of you had guessed by now what the present was going to be, lol. Hope everyone enjoyed it!_


End file.
